Mike And Molly – Hit The Road

Mike And Molly – Hit The Road

Joyce! Vince! Let’s move it! Your car’s all warmed up for you! So they can get the hell out of here.
Did you fill up their tank?

Gas, air, wiper fluid. I set the GPS for the casino. I was gonna get their brakes checked, but I figured, eh, what’s meant to be’s meant to be.
Hey! There’s the happy travelers! Got coffee for the driver. And wine for the passenger. It’s before noon, so I went with a crisp Chablis. Here we go.
I don’t know if I should drink coffee. My stomach is rumbling around like a dryer with one tennis shoe in it.
I told you not to eat that gas station sushi!

But I figured I’d be safe. The guy who owns it is Japanese.
He’s Pakistani.
Well, something is about to say sayonara!

Ah, he’s been sitting on that pot all morning. I don’t know, maybe a five-hour road trip isn’t the best idea. I don’t want him to let loose in my Lexus.
Well, maybe a road trip is just what the doctor ordered. Nothing binds me up like travelling.
It’s true. Yeah, he only went once on our whole honeymoon.
That was two weeks! Why can’t you do that here?

Come on, you guys have been dying to go play in that Texas Hold’em tournament. You’ve been practicing your poker face all month.
Not poker face. Botox.
Maybe I’ll just go by myself, and leave Vince at home.
No! No! No! No! This is his special trip, too. You know, in fact, I don’t think he’s upstairs because of Pakistani sushi. I think he’s just so excited that he’s lost control of his bodily functions.
You just want to send me off with that ticking time bomb to so you can have the house to yourselves.
Yes. I love you. Get out!

Yeah, why do you think we got Victoria that hotel room for her morticians’ convention?

It’s not even three miles away. They got better parking here.
Joyce, walk with me. You know that gazebo-trellis thingy you’ve been wanting me to put together in the backyard? Well, while you are gone, I will hire a guy that will actually do it.
He’ll put the twinkle lights in it, too?

Well, of course. How else are you gonna drink outside at night?

I do like to drink outside at night. Vince! Come on, we got to go! Car’s running!

I took a Kaopectate and lined my boxers with maxi pads. Hopefully that’ll hold me to Calumet City.
Okay, there you go. And off you go. Bye! Drive safe! Hey! If you get hungry, remember bananas bind! Oh, my God, they’re gone. I can’t believe we have the whole house to ourselves.
Yup. Home alone. Good-bye pants. See you in 72 hours.
That is such a good idea. Why am I still in this bra?