TERENCE: Hey! Fix me a cone, will you?

BUD: Tutti frutti, caramel toffee, vanilla.

TERENCE: Pistachio.

BUD: Pistachio melted. Vanilla, tutti frutti, caramel toffee, bitter egg and coffee.

TERENCE: OK. Then give me a vanilla cone with pistachio.

BUD: The pistachio melted. Vanilla, caramel toffee, tutti frutti, bitter egg and coffee.

TERENCE: OK. Look, just give me a chocolate cone with a little pistachio.

BUD: What are you, deaf? The pistachio melted and I didn’t say chocolate.

TERENCE: Whoa, don’t get so excited. All right. What do you have again?

BUD: We have vanilla, tutti frutti, caramel toffee, bitter egg and coffee.

TERENCE: OK, I got it. Then give me a big mix, grandma. Tutti frutti, caramel toffee, vanilla, bitter egg and coffee. Hey, don’t forget the pistachio.

Harry Potter – Platform 9 3/4

Harry looks at his golden ticket.

Harry:: Platform 9 ¾? But Hagrid, there must be a mistake. This says Platform 9 ¾. There’s no such thing…is there?

Man: Sorry.

Harry: Excuse me, excuse me.

Guard: {talking to woman and child} Right on your left, ma’am.

Harry: Excuse me, Sir. Can you tell me where I might find Platform 9 ¾?

Guard: 9 ¾? Think you’re being funny, do ya?

Mrs Weasley: It’s the same year after year. Packed with Muggles, of course.

Harry: Muggles?

Mrs Weasley: Come on. Platform 9 ¾ this way! All right, Percy, you first.

Mrs Weasley: Fred, you next.

George: He’s not Fred, I am!

Fred: Honestly, woman, you call yourself our mother!

Mrs Weasley: Oh, I’m sorry, George.

Fred: I’m only joking. I am Fred.

Harry: Excuse me! C-could you tell me how to…

Mrs Weasley: How to get on the platform? Yes, not to worry, dear. It’s Ron’s first time to Hogwarts as well. Now, all you’ve got to do is walk straight at the wall between platforms 9 and 10. Best do it at a bit of a run if you’re nervous.

Ginny: Good luck.

Rowan Atkinson Live – Elementary dating

Good evening and welcome to the Boston University Huntingdon theatre, for the second part of our course in elementary courting for men. May I say how pleased I am with tonight’s turnout, some 800 people, which is very gratifying. Tonight we look at the first date. Obviously taking out a girl for the first time is a very complex issue.

The first crucial step is, having arranged to pick up your date, not to look like a complete idiot when she first opens the door. Best to look as if your attention has been momentarily distracted. But when you do notice her it is vital to say how pretty she is looking straight away, but don’t overdo it. If at this point you are introduced to her parents, attitude is all important: You can be too casual. You can be too keen.
When you have said goodbye to the parents, again don’t overdo it, lead her to your car and remember to open the door.

Once in the car there are various ways of driving: If you drive like this, you might lose her respect. If you drive like this, you should have taken a taxi. Before long you’ll arrive at the restaurant. Get out of the car, and escort her to your table. Then tuck her into her seat – yourself, and attract the waiter’s attention. Selecting from the wine list is important, complete ignorance is not good. When the bottle arrives, there’s much to be made in the tasting of it, but don’t be too professional. With eating, again, moderation is the order of the day: Don’t eat too fast. – But don’t eat too slowly.

Next is receiving the bill. This is a very important moment, you must be sure not to lose your cool: This is right. – This is wrong. The girl may of course offer to pay herself, in which case you should refuse, for a while. Next stop is a fashionable discotheque. Once inside you might look slightly strange if you try and talk over the music, so just stand casually and look sexy. This is good. This is better. This is starting to be misguided.

After stance, dance technique is most important. Most people don’t know how to dance and so do too much. Other people do too little. Some people dance as if there’s something up their bottom. And other people dance as if there’s something coming out of their bottom.

When all is said and done it’s best probably not to dance at all. A well-mimed sporting injury is always useful and a good excuse for leaving the discotheque. If you don’t utterly foul it up, twenty minutes later you should be back at at your place. It’s important to relax and make your guest feel at home. She will probably feel as nervous as you do and there’s no need to make any extra special effort.

Then putting on the music, we can’t help you with the choice of CD, even though no matter what the circumstances, Donny and Marie Osmond’s greatest hits would be a mistake.
At all costs avoid the temptation to brag about your stereo.

Now comes the moment you’ve been waiting for, the seduction. This is the subject of next week’s lecture. However, as a rough guide: This is right, and this is, I think you’ll agree, disastrous.

When Gilmore Girls aired what was originally intended to be its series finale in 2007, Rory bid Stars Hollow adieu to follow Barack Obama on the campaign trail as a political reporter.

Nine years later, Obama is seated comfortably in the Oval Office, Gilmore Girls has been resurrected by Netflix for a four-part revival series and Rory is getting some face time with none other than First Lady Michelle Obama.

Ahead of the fall premiere date for Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life, Alexis Bledel in character as Rory paid a visit to the White House to counsel the first lady on some “light” reading. Lending a hand to Obama’s Let Girls Learn initiative, which aims to ensure the educational success of girls around the world, Rory goes full-tilt Chilton-style overachiever.

“I wasn’t sure about what mood you’d be in, so I brought all of Shakespeare ‘cause you can’t go wrong with the Bard,” she tells FLOTUS on the eve of a Let Girls Learn trip to Liberia, Morocco and Spain.

And Rory wouldn’t be her mother’s daughter without letting her other half, Lorelai, in on the fun. After overwhelming Obama with a bevy of “classic beach reads,” including Moby Dick, “a little Proust“ and Anna Karenina, Rory proudly presents a box of blueberry Pop-Tarts as a gift from Lorelai.

source: huffingtonpost.com

FEDEX GUY: Thomas Anderson?

NEO: Yeah. That’s me.

FEDEX GUY: Have a nice day.

NEO: Hello?

MORPHEUS: Hello, Neo. Do you know who this is?

NEO: Morpheus.

MORPHEUS: Yes. I’ve been looking for you, Neo. I don’t know if you’re ready to see what I want to show you, but unfortunately, you and I have run out of time. They’re coming for you, Neo. And I don’t know what they’re going to do.

NEO Who’s coming for me?

MORPHEUS Stand up and see for yourself.

NEO Right now?

MORPHEUS Yes. Now. Do it slowly. The elevator.

NEO: Shit!

MORPHEUS: Yes.

NEO: What the hell do they want from me?!

MORPHEUS: I don’t know, but if you don’t want to find out, you’d better get out of there.

NEO: How?!

MORPHEUS: I can guide you, but you must do exactly as I say.

MORPHEUS: The cubicle across from you is empty.

NEO: But what if they…?

MORPHEUS: Go! Now!

MORPHEUS: Stay here for just a moment. When I tell you, go to the end of the row to the office at the end of the hall, stay as low as you can. Go now.

MORPHEUS: Good. Now outside there is a scaffold.

NEO: How do you know all this?

MORPHEUS: We don’t have time, Neo. To your left, there is a window. Go to it. Open it. Use the scaffold to get to the roof.

NEO: No way, no way, this is crazy.

MORPHEUS: There are only two ways out of this building. One is that scaffold. The other is in their custody. You take a chance either way. I leave it to you.

NEO: This is insane! Why is this happening to me? What did I do? I’m nobody. I didn’t do anything. I’m going to die. I can’t do this!

TRINITY: Shit.

I remember the bus ride on the first day of school very well.

Driver: Are you coming along?
Forrest: Mama said not to take rides from strangers.
Driver: This is the bus to school.
Forrest: I’m Forrest, Forrest Gump.
Driver: I’m Dorothy Harris.
Forrest: Well, now we ain’t strangers anymore.
Children: This seat’s taken. It’s taken. You can’t sit here.
Forrest:You know, it’s funny what a young man recollects, ’cause I don’t remember being born. I don’t recall what I got for my first Christmas, and I don’t know when I went on my first outdoor picnic, but I do remember the first time I heard the sweetest voice in the wide world.
Jenny: You can sit here if you want.
Forrest: I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life. She was like an angel.
Jenny: Well, are you going to sit down or aren’t you? What’s wrong with your legs?
Forrest: Nothing at all, thank you. My legs are just fine and dandy.

I just sat next to her on that bus and had a conversation all the way to school.

My back’s crooked like a question mark.

Next to Mama, no one ever talked to me or asked me questions.

Jenny: Are you stupid or something?
Forrest: Mama says, “Stupid is as stupid does.”
Jenny: I’m Jenny.
Forrest: I’m Forrest, Forrest Gump.

From that day on, we was always together. Jenny and me was like peas and carrots. She taught me how to climb.

Jenny: Come on, Forrest, you can do it.

CHUCKIE: Hey. When’s the arraignment?

WILL: Next week.

WILL: Sorry.

LAMBEAU: What’re you doing?

WILL: Sorry.

LAMBEAU: That’s people’s work, you can’t graffiti here. Don’t you walk away from me!

WILL: Hey, f*** you!

LAMBEAU: Oh, you’re a clever one. What’s your name? Oh my god…

TOM: Looks Right. 

Harry: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. And the thing is, I love you.

Sally: What?

Harry: I love you.

Sally: How do you expect me to respond to this?

Harry: How about you love me too?

Sally: How about I’m leaving.

Harry: Doesn’t what I said mean anything to you?

Sally: I’m sorry Harry, I know it’s New Year’s Eve, I know you’re feeling lonely, but you just can’t show up here, tell me you love me and expect that to make everything alright. It doesn’t work this way.

Harry: Well how does it work?

Sally: I don’t know but not this way.

Harry: Well how about this way. I love that you get cold when it’s seventy one degrees out, I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich, I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts, I love that after I spend a day with you I can still smell your perfume on my clothes and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of the life to start as soon as possible.

Sally: You see, that is just like you Harry. You say things like that and you make it impossible for me to hate you. And I hate you Harry… I really hate you. I hate you.

(They kiss and make up.)

Harry: What does this song mean? For my whole life I don’t know what this song means. I mean, ‘Should old acquaintance be forgot”. Does that mean we should forget old acquaintances or does it mean if we happen to forget them we should remember them, which is not possible because we already forgot them!?

Sally: Well may be it just means that we should remember that we forgot them or something. Anyway it’s about old friends.

Harry (Voice over): The first time we met we hated each other.

Sally (Voice over): No, you didn’t hate me, I hated you. And the second time we met you didn’t even remember me.

Harry (Voice over): I did too, I remembered you. The third time we met, we became friends.

Sally (Voice over): We were friends for a long time.

Harry (Voice over): And then we weren’t.

Sally (Voice over): And then we fell in love.

(Harry and Sally on the couch this time.)

Sally: Three months later we got married.

Harry: Yeah it only took three months.

Sally: Twelve years and three months.

Juliet: I’ll get it. Oh, hi.

Peter: Who is it?

Mark: SAY IT’S CAROL SINGERS

Juliet: It’s carol singers.

Peter: Give them a quid and tell them to bugger off.

(song) Silent night / Holy night / All is calm / All is bright / Round yon virgin / Mother and child / Holy infant / So tender and mild / Sleep in heavenly peace / Sleep in heavenly peace / Silent night / Holy night / Shepherds quake / At the sight…

Mark’s cards:

WITH ANY LUCK, BY NEXT YEAR

I’LL BE GOING OUT WITH ONE OF THESE GIRLS…

BUT FOR NOW, LET ME SAY,

WITHOUT HOPE OR AGENDA,

JUST BECAUSE IT’S CHRISTMAS –

(AND AT CHRISTMAS YOU TELL THE TRUTH)

TO ME, YOU ARE PERFECT

AND MY WASTED HEART WILL LOVE YOU

UNTIL YOU LOOK LIKE THIS…

Juliet: Merry Christmas.

(song) Glories stream / From heaven afar / Heavenly hosts sing alleluia / Christ the saviour is born / Christ the saviour is born!

Mark: Enough. Enough now.

GILBERT: Anne Shirley. What in heck are you doing?

ANNE: Fishing for lake trout.

GILBERT: For lake trout?

ANNE: Well, if you must know, I was in Diana’s skiff but it sprang a leak and I had to climb onto the piling or sink. Now, if you’d be so kind as to row me to the landing.

GILBERT: Ah, I see. Well, then the fact is I rescued you.

ANNE: Help was on the way and I was calmly waiting for it.

GILBERT: You’re most welcome.

ANNE: I am grateful for your assistance, Mr. Blythe, even though it was not required. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to find my friends. They are likely overcome with fear for my life.

GILBERT: Well, Anne, wait. Wait a minute. I was just down at the post office to see if the Queens results had been printed.

ANNE: Congratulations on coming first, Gilbert. I’m sure you’re very proud of your achievements.

GILBERT: Wait a second, you ninny. We tied for first place. You and I. I figured you’d have it for sure. We all passed – our entire class.

ANNE: First of all two hundred?

GILBERT: I’m sorry you had to share it with me.

ANNE: I never expected to beat you.

GILBERT: Can’t we be friends now? This childishness has gone on long enough, don’t you think?

ANNE: The fact that you rescued me unnecessarily hardly wipes out past wrongs.

GILBERT: Look, I’m sorry I ever said anything about your hair. You have no idea how sorry. But it was so long ago. Aren’t you ever going to forgive me?

ANNE: You hurt my feelings excruciatingly.

GILBERT: I only said it because I – Because I wanted to meet you so much.

ANNE: Why did you turn your back on me at the Christmas ball?

GILBERT: Anne, that was over a year ago.

ANNE: It was a deliberate humiliation.

GILBERT: And I knew exactly what you were thinking, too, Anne Shirley. You and Diana Barry. Look, can we be friends now?

ANNE: Why don’t you figure it out, if you’re so clever.

GILBERT: Anne, wait a minute.

ANNE: Everyone will think I’ve drowned.

DOCTOR: I’m a time traveller. Or I was. I’m stuck in 1969.
MARTHA [on screen]: We’re stuck. All of space and time, he promised me. Now I’ve got a job in a shop. I’ve got to support him!
DOCTOR [on screen]: Martha.
MARTHA [on screen]: Sorry.
SALLY: I’ve seen this bit before.
DOCTOR [on screen]: Quite possibly.
SALLY: 1969, that’s where you’re talking from?
DOCTOR [on screen]: Afraid so.
SALLY: But you’re replying to me. You can’t know exactly what I’m going to say, forty years before I say it.
DOCTOR [on screen]: Thirty eight.
LARRY: I’m getting this down. I’m writing in your bits.
SALLY: How? How is this possible? Tell me.
LARRY: Not so fast.
DOCTOR [on screen]: People don’t understand time. It’s not what you think it is.
SALLY: Then what is it?
DOCTOR [on screen]: Complicated.
SALLY: Tell me.
DOCTOR [on screen]: Very complicated.
SALLY: I’m clever and I’m listening. And don’t patronise me because people have died, and I’m not happy. Tell me.
DOCTOR [on screen]: People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly, timey-wimey stuff.
SALLY: Yeah, I’ve seen this bit before. You said that sentence got away from you.
DOCTOR [on screen]: It got away from me, yeah.
SALLY: Next thing you’re going to say is, well I can hear you.
DOCTOR [on screen]: Well, I can hear you.
SALLY: This isn’t possible.
LARRY: No. It’s brilliant!
DOCTOR [on screen]: Well, not hear you, exactly, but I know everything you’re going to say.
LARRY: Always gives me the shivers, that bit.
SALLY: How can you know what I’m going to say?
DOCTOR [on screen]: Look to your left.
(Where Larry is sitting on the floor, writing.)
LARRY: What does he mean by look to your left? I’ve written tons about that on the forums. I think it’s a political statement.
SALLY: He means you. What are you doing?
LARRY: I’m writing in your bits. That way I’ve got a complete transcript of the whole conversation. Wait until this hits the net. This will explode the egg forums.
DOCTOR [on screen]: I’ve got a copy of the finished transcript. It’s on my autocue.
SALLY: How can you have a copy of the finished transcript? It’s still being written.
DOCTOR [on screen]: I told you. I’m a time traveller. I got it in the future.
SALLY: Okay, let me get my head round this. You’re reading aloud from a transcript of a conversation you’re still having.
DOCTOR [on screen]: Yeah. Wibbly wobbly, timey-wimey.
SALLY: Never mind that. You can do shorthand?
LARRY: So?
DOCTOR [on screen]: What matters is, we can communicate. We have got big problems now. They have taken the blue box, haven’t they? The angels have the phone box.
LARRY: The angels have the phone box. That’s my favourite, I’ve got it on a t-shirt.
SALLY: What do you mean, angels? You mean those statue things?
DOCTOR [on screen]: Creatures from another world.
SALLY: But they’re just statues.
DOCTOR [on screen]: Only when you see them.
SALLY: What does that mean?
DOCTOR [on screen]: The lonely assassins, they used to be called. No one quite knows where they came from, but they’re as old as the universe, or very nearly, and they have survived this long because they have the most perfect defence system ever evolved. They are quantum-locked. They don’t exist when they’re being observed. The moment they are seen by any other living creature, they freeze into rock. No choice. It’s a fact of their biology. In the sight of any living thing, they literally turn to stone. And you can’t kill a stone. Of course, a stone can’t kill you either. But then you turn your head away, then you blink, and oh yes it can.
SALLY: Don’t take your eyes off that.
(There is an Angel close by.)
DOCTOR [on screen]: That’s why they cover their eyes. They’re not weeping. They can’t risk looking at each other. Their greatest asset is their greatest curse. They can never be seen. The loneliest creatures in the universe. And I’m sorry. I am very, very sorry. It’s up to you now.
SALLY: What am I supposed to do?
DOCTOR [on screen]: The blue box, it’s my time machine. There is a world of time energy in there they could feast on forever, but the damage they could do could switch off the sun. You have got to send it back to me.
SALLY: How? How?
DOCTOR [on screen]: And that’s it, I’m afraid. There’s no more from you on the transcript, that’s the last I’ve got. I don’t know what stopped you talking, but I can guess. They’re coming. The angels are coming for you. But listen, your life could depend on this. Don’t blink. Don’t even blink. Blink and you’re dead. They are fast. Faster than you can believe. Don’t turn your back, don’t look away, and don’t blink. Good luck.