An American’s Funny Remarks About Britain

Scott Waters is a 66-year-old commercial artist and photographer from St Augustine, Florida. He’s also an amateur musician who writes songs to sing once a week. He used to work for Apple Computer. So he’s just an ordinary person, not special in any particular way. He became well-known when a few weeks ago he visited England and he decided to share his observations on Facebook. The post has gone viral and has been shared over 50,000 times. Some of the remarks are funny, some of them are just witty observations, but all of them are about something absolutely and typically English. Enjoy them and have a good laugh!

“I was in England again a few weeks ago, mostly in small towns, but here’s some of what I learned:

Almost everyone is very polite.

There are no guns.

There are too many narrow stairs.

Everything is just a little bit different.

The pubs close too early.

The reason they drive on the left is because all their cars are built backwards.

Pubs are not bars, they are community living rooms.

You’d better like peas, potatoes and sausage.

Refrigerators and washing machines are very small.

Everything is generally older, smaller and shorter.

Their paper money makes sense, the coins don’t.

Hot and cold water faucets. Remember them?

Pants are called “trousers”, underwear are “pants” and sweaters are “jumpers”.

The bathroom light is a string hanging from the ceiling.

Doors close by themselves, but they don’t always open.

They eat with their forks upside down.

The English are as crazy about their gardens as Americans are about cars.

The wall outlets all have switches, some don’t do anything.

There are hardly any cops or police cars.

5,000 year ago, someone arranged a lot of rocks all over, but no one is sure why.

When you do see police they seem to be in male & female pairs and often smiling.

Everything comes with chips, which are French fries. You put vinegar on them.

Cookies are “biscuits” and potato chips are “crisps”.

After fish and chips, curry is the most popular food.

The water controls in showers need detailed instructions.

They can boil anything.

Folks don’t always lock their bikes.

If someone buys you a drink you must do the same.

Many of the roads are the size of our sidewalks.

Instead of turning the heat up, you put on a jumper.

You don’t have to tip, really!

Only 14% of Americans have a passport, everyone in the UK does.

Walking is the national pastime.

They took the street signs down during WWII, but haven’t put them all back up yet.

Everyone enjoys a good joke.

Dogs are very well behaved and welcome everywhere.

Everyone knows more about our history than we do.

Radio is still a big deal. The BBC is quite good.

Butter and eggs aren’t refrigerated

Cider (alcoholic) is quite good.

The universal greeting is “Cheers”

The money is easy to understand: 1-2-5-10-20-50 pence, then-£1-£2-£5-£10, etc bills. There are no quarters.

Cars don’t have bumper stickers.

Many doorknobs, buildings and tools are older than America

When the sign says something was built in 456, they didn’t lose the “1”

Cake is pudding, ice cream is pudding, anything served for dessert is pudding, even pudding.

Everything closes by 6 p.m.

Very few people smoke, those who do often roll their own.

The trains work: a three minute delay is regrettable.

Drinks don’t come with ice.

There are far fewer fat English people.

There are a lot of healthy old folks around participating in life instead of hiding at home watching tv.

If you’re over 60, you get free tv and bus and rail passes.

Cake is one of the major food groups

Their coffee is mediocre but their tea is wonderful.

Cheers.”

We’ll give you the American word for things. Can you tell the English equivalent?

1. pants

2. underwear

3. sweater

4. chips

5. cookies

6. potato chips

+ 1 question

Do you know what this sentence refers to?

5,000 year ago, someone arranged a lot of rocks all over, but no one is sure why.

Key:

1. trousers

2. pants

3. jumper

4. French fries

5. biscuits

6. crisps

+ 1. Stonehenge