Friends: Thanksgiving – the one with Brad Pitt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rS6UXbdpddQ

Monica: Hey!
Will: Hey!
Will: Happy Thanksgiving!
Monica: Aww thanks! God Will I’m so glad that you came! You look great! You must’ve lost like…
Will: 150 pounds. Yeah, I’m gonna be in one of those Subway sandwich commercials.
Monica: A pie!
Will: Oh right. All right, it’s no fat, it’s no sugar, it’s no dairy…it’s no good. Throw it out.
Monica: You wanna meet some people? This is uh; this is my husband Chandler. Chandler, this is Will.
Will: Hey.
Chandler: Oh hey. I’d shake your hand but uh; I’m really into the game. Plus, I think it’d be better for my ego if we didn’t stand right next to each other.
Monica: This is Phoebe.
Phoebe: Hey. Wow! Well done.
Monica: Wanna give me a hand?
Will: Sure! Monica, I can’t get over how great you look! You look stunning!
Monica: Well you look great too! You’re just—you’re so fit!
Chandler: I’m watching the game, but I’m not deaf!
Monica: Oh umm, I meant to tell you, Ross is coming.
Will: Ross is coming. Great! I love Ross!
Monica: Good. And Rachel Green too.
Will: Oh.
Monica: Is there a problem?
Will: Nope. Uh, it’s okay. It’s just uh, God I hated her.
Monica: What?
Will: Yeah, I hated her. She was horrible to me in high school. But hey, it was a long time ago, I’m in a good place, it might be actually fun to see her again. You got any cakes or cookies or something? No, Will, no!
Chandler: Y’know, it’s been a while since we’ve screamed something. Maybe we should.
Phoebe: Oh okay.
Chandler: Oh come on!
Phoebe: Noooo!! Damn you ref! You burn in hell!

Monica: Hey, what are you doing? You gotta save room, you’ve got almost an entire turkey to eat.
Joey: Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm my stomach first. Eatin’ chips is like stretching.
Monica: All right.
Joey: Don’t worry, Tribbianis never get full.
Will: I actually know what you’re talking about. I’m here to tell you something my friend, you can eat and eat and eat but nothing will ever fill that void.
Joey: Who the hell is this guy?
Monica: Will! From high school.
Joey: Oh hey!
Monica: Joey.
Will: Hello.
Ross: Will!
Will: Ross!
Ross: Hey-hey you came! Man you look incredible! Hot stuff! Hot stuff?
Will: It’s good to see you man.
Ross: Yeah, you too. Man, so-so what are you up to?
Will: I’m a commodities broker.
Ross: Really? Yeah that-that sounds interesting.
Will: Yeah, it’s not. But I’m rich and thin.
Ross: Oh! Man I don’t think I’ve seen you since uh, Lance Davis’ graduation party.
Will: That was such a fun night!
Ross: Yeah. It would’ve been good if we had gotten in, but still real fun.
Will: Yeah.
Ross: Yeah.
Will: God we were lame back then. Do you remember how into dinosaurs we were?
Ross: Yeah.
Will: So what do you, what do you do now?
Ross: So how long are you in town?

Rachel: Hi!
Monica: Hey sweetie. Oh good.
Will: Rachel Green.
Ross: Aw – oh, that’s right. Are-are you gonna be okay?
Will: Oh, I’ll-I’ll be fine. Just God I hate her Ross! I hate her!
Ross: Will, high school was-was a long time ago.
Will: Look at her standing there with those yams! My two greatest enemies Ross: Rachel Green and complex carbohydrates.
Rachel: Oh my God Monica, who is that?
Monica: That’s Will from high school!
Rachel: Oh! I do not remember him! Wow! He’s really got that sexy, smoldering thing going on. Oh my God, he’s… Look at the way he’s just staring at me. I think he’s trying to mouth something to me, but I can’t make it out.
Monica: Okay, dinner’s ready!
Chandler: Good game!
Phoebe: Yeah.
Chandler: Yeah. Solid effort. Solid effort.
Monica: Oh, so who won?
Phoebe: Green Bay.
Chandler: Detroit.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Well the Lions technically won, but it was a moral victory for the Green Bay…Mermen.

Rachel: Hi! Will, right?
Will: Right.
Rachel: Hi! I’m Rachel Green.
Will: Oh I, I remember you.
Rachel: Really?! Aren’t you sweet! I gotta tell you though, I am, I am having the hardest time placing you. Oh, oh hang on! Did we umm, did we fool around at Lance Davis’ graduation party?
Will: You are unbelievable.
Rachel: Thank you!
Monica: Uh, Rachel? Rachel, why don’t you sit here? And Will you sit way over there.

Joey: That’s it?! Even if nobody helps me I can eat that no problem. At least give me a challenge!
Monica: This is Chandler’s chicken. This is the turkey. (Sets down a huge turkey.)
Joey: Oh. How-how big is that?
Monica: About nineteen pounds.
Joey: It’s like me when I was born.
Rachel: All right, who would uh, like some yams? Will?
Will: Oh, you’d like that wouldn’t ya?
Rachel: What? Oh y’know what? Can we please keep the chicken and the turkey and everything on the other side of the table? The smell is just yuck!
Will: Typical.
Rachel: I’m sorry. What?
Will: I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land.
Joey: Seriously, who is this guy?
Rachel: Umm, I’m sorry. Do you-do you have a problem with me?
Will: I don’t know? Do I? Do I?
Phoebe: I think you do.
Monica: Apparently you were umm, a little mean to him in high school.
Will: A little mean? You made my life miserable!
Rachel: I’m, I’m, I had no idea. I’m sorry. I…
Will: Well you should be. Screw it! Bring on the yams!
Monica: Oh Will. But you-you’ve worked so hard…
Will: Yams!
Monica: Okay.
Rachel: Uh, Will umm, I just want to say that I’m real sorry for whatever I-I did to you in high school…
Will: Oh, it wasn’t just me. We had a club!
Rachel: You had a club?!
Will: That’s right, The I Hate Rachel Green Club!
Rachel: Whoa! My God! So what, you all just joined together to hate me?! Who else was in this club?
Will: Me and Ross.
Ross: No need to point, she knows who Ross is.

Rachel: So you were in an I Hate Rachel club?
Will: Yes he was.
Ross: No. No.
Rachel: So who else was in this club?
Ross: Uh, actually, there-there was also that exchange student from Thailand but I, I don’t think he-he knew what it was.
Rachel: So Ross, we went out for two years, and you never told me you were in an I Hate Rachel club.
Will: You went out with her?! We had a pact!
Ross: That was in high school! It’s not like it was binding forever.
Will: Then why did it have the word eternity in it?
Rachel: Okay Monica, did you know about this?!
Monica: I swear I didn’t. Hey! Is that why you guys used to go up to your bedroom and lock the door?
Ross and Will: Yeah.
Monica: Hmm, a little relieved, I gotta say.
Ross: Look Rach I-I’m sorry, okay? I…I was a stupid kid, okay? The only reason I joined…
Will: Co-founded!
Ross: …co-founded. Co-founded the club was because I was insanely in love with you. Obviously I didn’t handle it very well. But if you think about it the I Hate Rachel Club was really the I Love Rachel Club.
Will: Uh, except that it was really the I Hate Rachel Club.
Rachel: Okay. So what? You guys would just like get together and like just say mean things about me?
Will: Well, we did a little more than that.
Ross: No-no! No-no. No-no.
Phoebe: What?! What else did you do?
Will: We started a rumor.
Rachel: What rumor?
Phoebe: Oh, come on Will! Just take off your shirt and tell us!
Rachel: Ross!
Ross: It was no big deal. We-we…said that the rumor was…that umm…you had both…male and female reproductive parts.
Rachel: What?!
Will: That’s right! We said your parents flipped a coin, decided to raise you as a girl, but you still had a hint of a penis.
Rachel: Oh my God!
Monica: You started that?!
Rachel: What?! You heard that?!
Monica: Everyone at our school heard it!
Chandler: Everybody at my school heard it! You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader from Long Island?!
Rachel: Oh no!!!! Oh my God!! This is all making so much sense to me now! This is why Adam Carter wouldn’t go out with me! This is why Billy Tratt would just stay in this region!
Ross: Actually, Billy Tratt is gay now. So-so that one’s not really our fault.
Rachel: Monica, how come you never told me this?!
Monica: I thought it might be true. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me.
Rachel: Joey stop staring! There’s nothing there! It’s not true!
Joey: I’m afraid I’m gonna need proof.
Rachel: Oh!

Joey: You are my Everest.
Monica: Joey, you don’t have to finish that.
Joey: Oh yes I do. Otherwise what’s next? Today I’m just a guy who can’t finish a turkey, but tomorrow I’m the guy who eats half a Powerbar, wraps up the rest, and puts in the fridge? No! No, I just…I just—I gotta change my pants. Jeans have no give.
Rachel: Okay! Okay! Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year, “Dear Rach, you’re such a good person.” Not girl! Person!
Ross: Rach, I think you’re reading a little too much into it.
Rachel: “Dear Rach, you’re a great person. Sorry about your tiney-wienie.”
Ross: Look, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasn’t true?!
Rachel: Yes!
Will: Could you also tell them I’m skinny now?
Monica: Oh! Me too!
Ross: Well look-look I’m not calling anybody! Okay? It was like a million years ago!
Rachel: I don’t care how long ago it was! You told people that I was half and half! Y’know what? I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school.
Monica: That’s not totally true.
Rachel: What?
Ross: What?
Monica: Well you-you did start that rumor about Ross making out with Mrs. Altman, our 50-year-old librarian.
Ross: How did you know that?!
Monica: It’s true?!!
Ross: No.
Rachel: Yes it is! I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog!
Will: Mrs. Altman? She also made out with Takaka Ci-Kek the night before he went back to Thailand.
Chandler: I’m sorry. When you were in high school you made out with a 50-year-old woman?
Ross: Hey! She didn’t look 50!
Chandler: Did she look 16?
Rachel: Ohh, there’s a picture of her in the yearbook actually.
Phoebe: Oh! Wow!
Ross: She didn’t photograph well!
Chandler: Well, she probably wasn’t familiar with the process having spent most of her life sitting for oil paintings!
Phoebe: So how did this happen? Did she, did she lure you to an early bird dinner?
Ross: I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us. She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another. If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace…
Monica: Didn’t she walk with a cane?
Ross: Only when it was damp! I can’t believe you-you told people about this?! Everybody knew? Y’know what? I’m back in the club!
Will: Yeah!
Phoebe: I wanna join!
Rachel: Wh—Phoebe!
Phoebe: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I never got to be in a club. I-I didn’t go to high school, but three of us would meet behind a dumpster to learn French. Bonjour.
Rachel: All right, y’know—Fine! You guys have your stupid little club, but I would just like to say is what you did to me is way worse than what I did to you! You gave me a tiney-wienie!
Monica: All right, listen you’re just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor you were one of the most popular girls in school and everyone wanted to be like you. One girl wanted to be like you so much she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll!
Rachel: Wow…
Monica: And Ross, if it weren’t for Rachel’s rumor I mean no one in high school would even know who you were. She put you on the map!
Ross: As a romancer of the elderly.
Monica: Hey! Mrs. Altman was the kind of woman you could tell she used to be pretty.
Ross: The eyes…did still sparkle.
Monica: Hey guys this stuff is just so way in the past. You-you’ve been through so much since then. And right now you’ve got so much more important stuff going on in your life. Can’t you just let this go?
Rachel: She’s right.
Ross: Yeah. I mean we are having a baby together.
Will: Hold on! You got her pregnant?
Ross: Yeah.
Will: Are ya getting married?
Ross: Nope.
Will: So you knocked her up but you’re not gonna marry her. Dude! Anybody?
Phoebe: Okay. It’s exactly how I’d imagined it would be.